COVID-19 An Account, March 30, 2020

Today I decided to stay away from the news, and except for a few minutes this morning, I was able to.  I couldn't stand to hear any more bad news. We all know it's coming.  I woke up at 4;00 am, and couldn't go back to sleep.  For a while I was just lying there, staring at the ceiling. I grabbed my phone. Facebook was out of the question, however I did give in. I zipped through my feed trying to skip over some of the posts, but got dragged into a few by my ever growing lack of self-control. I tried Instagram, but somehow I ended up getting a lot more ads than friendly posts.  I finally ended up with Pinterest, with my endless lists of things I will never do or make.  (Actually, I have made some of the recipes on there, but you know what I'm talking about.) Finally, as the sky was beginning to grow brighter, I fell back to sleep. Bill finally woke me up around 10;30.  I made us breakfast, which was really lunch by the time it was ready, and then we went on with our day.  Both of my boys are still working, because they have jobs that are "essential".  I worry about them being out there. At first, the word was that rarely did young people get the virus, but now I've been hearing about more younger victims. My biggest fear isn't so much dying as it is dying alone or anyone in my circle dying alone. It's already been weeks since I've seen most of my family: my kids and their kids, husbands, wives, significant others (who are also my kids as far as I'm concerned).   I'm also worried about my mom. I don't want anything to happen to her either.  So many people in my world are in the higher risk group.  I try not to worry.  Worrying won't help anything and is detrimental to my health, but how do I not? It does no use to count down the days because the end keeps getting pushed farther away. Being patient isn't fun for anyone. I keep telling myself, things will get better, but will they?