It seems appropriate that I'm starting this journal on Friday the thirteenth. Although it all started earlier in the year, my decision to write about my experience happened because I started to realize the epic nature of this "event". This morning, my husband Bill told me that the Senior Center was closing until the end of the month, and all public events in our city are cancelled. It's been raining for the past few days, which here in Southern California is unusual enough. There are runs on Costco: people stocking up like the apocalypse has begun. Maybe it has.
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| The line for Costco before opening, in the rain. |
I'm not sure how I ended up having so little faith in people in general. I feel like the internet has made things so much (as the kids today say) "extra". Everything is so much more elevated, especially fear, and hate. It's always someone else's fault, some one is to blame; and not just one person, their entire race, culture or religion. Why? I don't understand, and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against religion and I do believe in God, but these days some religions are used for much more wrong than right. People who call themselves "righteous", continue to discriminate against anyone who is not in their group, their same color or beliefs. They quote Jesus, but seem to have missed a lot of the important things he's said.
So we are in this global crisis: a pandemic called "Corona Virus" or "COVID-19". Thousands if not millions are freaking out. Our political and medical leadership struggle to get information out without causing a panic. The problem is, inefficient information still causes panic, and from what I see, even more than usual. Of course, then there's the blaming. Who's fault is it? I don't care, just tell me what I can do. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. What I want is truth. Give me some credit: I can handle it.
March 14, 2020
I'm sitting here in my home watching Australian news on YouTube. They are talking about the virus and how fast it spreads, and how many people will likely die. Great. Bill listens to that stuff all day. Sometimes I just need to shut it all off. I can't afford to stress out about it. Anyone with a preexisting condition (especially respiratory) or advanced age, is especially susceptible, and is more likely to die. I'm screwed. Two, almost three of these criteria fit me. Should I hide in my house and wait until it's over? Bill said he heard that the stores' supply situation should improve in the next week. That is, unless some new information comes out and everyone runs out for more. We are hoping for the best.
The writer in me wants to research all the information I can find, and yet, I know the news will only cause me anxiety. Anxiety exacerbates my M.S. and then I have problems. This issue is escalated by the fact that no news source has presented the same story. Politicians and the media twist and shape the facts to meet their needs, instead of looking out for the weakest of us. I grew up believing that that was their job, their purpose, the reason they took home a paycheck paid by our taxes. Silly me.
March 15, 2020
I have lost so much of my faith in humankind. As each day goes by, I watch the news and wonder what is coming next. Meanwhile, I see people being more polarized than ever. Who do we believe? What should we do or not do? Is it overreacting, or cautious? I think this is just the third day of voluntary quarantine. How will we get to the end of the month? What happens if we are really hit hard? Are there the necessary resources at the ready? I worry about my mom, who's 85. I think my brother and sister who live closer have been visiting and checking on her. Since I still feel a lingering bronchitis, I don't feel like I should expose her to that, even if it's much less dangerous. That's the worst thing about this virus: it's demand for isolation. People are kept away from their loved ones and in some cases, end up dying alone. Not only that, but with the numbers growing, the personal care you might otherwise receive at the doctor's office or at the hospital is bare minimum. Touch is reduced to gloved hands.
In other news...the economy is getting annihilated. No one going out means no one is spending money. It's feared that many businesses will fail. Tourism is way down everywhere. Cruise ships are anchored. Flights to and from all over the world have been cancelled. Certain countries have banned travel to others. There are United States citizens stuck in other countries, trying to get home. I can't imagine. Unfortunately because everything is connected to everything else, we could be in for some tough times. Tourists can't travel, which means planes, trains, ships, buses, what have you, can't fill the seats.The hotels can't fill the rooms. The restaurants are empty or forced to comply with spacing regulations ("social distancing"), employees are out of work, and then there's no money to spend. People are even being encouraged (strongly) not to hold weddings or funerals for a while. No gatherings of over 250 people are currently allowed, but even smaller groups are being admonished. What will happen to this already fragmented society, when human physical contact is removed? With only the internet to provide company for some, how will connections take place? Will this become "the new normal"? I pray not.
March 16, 2020
This morning I heard that the gathering limit had been lowered to 50. We're barely halfway through the day, and the new word is that it's down to 10. More and more businesses are sending their workers home, restaurants are limited to drive through and take out. I keep telling myself that everything is going to be okay, but that's getting more difficult. I miss my grand-babies; my two boys who keep me smiling even when things are bad. Face-time is great and all, but it can't replace an excited child running into your arms for a big hug.
The whole world is quarantined. Full countries of people locked in their own homes. There was a video posted somewhere showing Italians singing from their balconies and doorways. Reaching out to their neighbors in the best way they could think of. At least it was a little lighter story during a dark season,
The President spoke, encouraging Americans to stay in their houses, wash your hands, stay at least six feet away from others. He talked about financial help for anyone who is being affected by the virus, which is everyone. I heard that he turned down the World Health Federation's offer for the tests it would take to diagnose people here, so we could figure out where the biggest concentrations of virus victims are. This would help the medical community to prepare for the influx of patients. I can't tell you if this is true, I only overheard. I'm trying to filter the news as much as I can. Everyone has their own versions of the story that's unfolding. Everyone has a slant on things. I feel like the cop who says "Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts." (Dragnet?) I hate when people say things like "You just think that, because of the media, or some political party." No...I just listen to what comes out of our president"s mouth.
March 17, 2020
It's St.Patrick's Day, and the rainbow keeps eluding me. You know, the one that comes after the rain. It just keeps raining; and the flooding and landslides are only getting worse. The news stated that in China, the virus cases have begun to decrease, Being the skeptic that I am, I find it hard to believe that the leadership of a country that hid the virus even from their own country, would be telling the truth now. These are people who are focused on making it seem like they have everything under control. So,,,yeah. Now they are trying to say that the US Military in the area must be the ones truly responsible for the virus. President Trump, instead of just denying this allegation, has begun calling it the "Chinese Virus". He's like a kid in a playground, "I know you are, but what am I?" This is really the time to be a grown up. Let's hope he rises to the occasion. I've noticed the media is trying to be less critical of him, trying not to bad-mouth him. I think that's a good thing.
People on all sides are going to have to work together. God, I hope they do. Between the hoarders (of toilet paper and hand sanitizer), the doubters, the name calling and the blaming...
I. Just. Want. TO SCREAM!
More cities in the US are shutting up tight, strongly suggesting that people stay at home and not go out except for necessities like food, medicine or toiletries.As things progress, I keep thinking that someday this will be considered to be a historical event. I just hope I'm still around to see that. I hope I still have my loved ones healthy and thriving. Meanwhile, I pray that people will stop acting out of fear and hate, 9/11 was horrible, but for a while there, we became a more united country, well aside from the racial targeting of those of middle eastern decent, and the scam charities professing to be benefiting the victims and their families....
Well, crap.
We're doomed.
March 18, 2020
"I always felt it was a pandemic, long before it was called a pandemic. So, Mr. President, were you lying when you said you were sure it would just "disappear" in April when the weather warmed up? We still haven't gotten very many tests. What has it been, two maybe three weeks? Don't get me started. I wouldn't want to interrupt any of your golf trips (not just him, other leaders as well). I'm holed up in my house trying not to touch anything or anyone, because this virus could take my life, but don't you people worry your pretty little heads.
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