Tuesday, June 14, 2016

No Promises...

If I felt bad having not written the last post for 6 months, now that it's a year and a half later...well...
I'd like to say that this time I mean it; that I'm going to continue writing everyday from now on, however I can't. It's like New Year's Resolutions. I just don't believe in writing down a long list of specific goals that I might try for, but realistically won't attain.  When you have a disease like MS that comes and goes at random with continually changing and evolving symptoms, you tend to be a little jaded when it comes to plans. This is not to say that I don't look forward to things, or that I am a pessimist when it comes to my future. I just believe in each of us being real with ourselves.  There are people that respond to the pep talks, or the "no pain no gain" attitudes. Other people respond to kind encouragement. Honestly, I don't respond to any of that. I don't want to be bullied, compared to someone else who "pulled themselves up against all odds" (or worse "they have MS and look what they did!). "Encouragement" from others can feel condescending.  The only one who can get my butt up out of bed is me. I focus on one day at a time: getting through it despite the exhaustion, the pain, the frustration of everyday existence. Getting through, is all I have energy for. Getting the normal chores and necessities that I "have to" do is pretty much all I can manage most days.
But I realized that because I was spending so much time on all the "have-tos" in my life, there was no time for anything I wanted to do..like write. So for now, I'm trying to set a little time aside everyday for me. Not easy, but I try. So I am writing today. Hopefully, I will write tomorrow. I'll go from there. 
No promises.

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